27-year-old child in need of good home

By Tara Overzat

The fact that a parent is out there somewhere, alive and breathing, is not enough to make them a parent. For all intents and purposes, I’ve been orphaned. For a really long time.

I didn’t used to think there was anything I could do about that, besides pray that one or both of my parents would change. Well, they haven’t.

So, I’m putting myself up for adoption. I won’t ask for much – the occasional pat on the back, an “Atta girl!” or a little bit of solid, worldly advice. In return, I’ll try to make you laugh and do my damnedest to be the best person I can be.

A little about me. I’m 27, getting my Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and am working hard on finishing my first novel. I used to live in China, and went to University of Florida for my bachelors degree. I had a hard childhood, but am drug-free, healthy, and generally competent

I hope someone is out there to mentor me through adulthood and share some wisdom with me.

Thanks!

PS: This article gives me hope: ‘Unadoptable’ as child, man gets new parents

Someone Will Listen

Someone Will Listen

The media has recently been highlighting the depression that tweens, adolescents, and young adults experience. Truth is, people of all ages can feel overburdened and helpless and it is not a new problem. Click the link above to hear the WMA file.

~Tara Overzat

We Are Not Independent

We Are Not Independent

Just a brief thought about how we as individuals aren’t ever alone, even when we are lonely. Click the link above to hear the WMA file.

~Tara Overzat

If It Hurts You, It’s Not a Favor

By Tara Overzat

I’ve been quiet on this blog lately for a couple of reasons. One of which is that I have a couple of book manuscripts I have been working on, but the other is that I was considering the feelings of a family member who after not speaking to me for a very long time, rang me up to discuss this site. In considering this family member’s feelings, I stopped writing for a little bit.

But, like I have said before on this site, child abuse thrives on silence. On secrecy. On being too afraid of what someone will say or do to you.

If you ask me to stop helping myself and others, then fall off the face of the planet again, then why did I stop in the first place? The “favor” you ask of me is to shut up and sit down. And when I do, you disappear again. You don’t support me. You don’t maintain a relationship with me. Remind me why should I do you a “favor” again?

Anyone who asks you to do something that hurts you, or is a huge step backwards for you, is not your friend. This person does not have your best interest at heart, only their own.

Rhoni Reuter – How Do We Protect the Innocent?

Rhoni Reuter

By Tara Overzat

Last night’s Dateline focused on the October 2007 murder of Rhoni Reuter, longtime girlfriend of ’85 Chicago Bears star Shaun Gayle. Often these Datelines are predictable and all fingers point to the significant other. Reuter, however, who was several months pregnant was instead killed by one of Shaun’s many other girlfriends, a real-estate agent and wannabe model, Marni Yang.

What is disturbing though Read more »

Surrounding Yourself With Toxic People Becuase It’s “Comfortable”

By Tara Overzat

Over the years, I have been lucky to have a lot of good friends from all over the world. However, I fell into a habit that I was only recently able to shake- getting close to toxic people.

Toxic people may be drug addicts or alcoholics; perverts; criminals; or just normal-seeming people who put you down at every turn, feeding off negative energy and kicking you when you’re down.

While good friends and associates tell you that you are mature, responsible, intelligent and cute (and are straight with you when you miss the mark), toxic people will tell you that you are immature, crazy, dumb and fat all of the time. Any praise you get from them is backhanded and intended to make the toxic person feel better about himself.

Growing up, these dual messages were all I got. When teachers, classmates, or other “outsiders” congratulated me on my accomplishments, all my mother could say was, “They don’t know what you’re like at home!” Read more »

Fear of Retaliation

by Tara Overzat

I think about the numerous reasons I stayed quiet about being abused until now, and even as an adult I have a fear of retaliation for speaking up.

Some of it was very likely programmed into me as a child, the overt threats and abominable lies that kept me in line. Threats of an even worse life; threats of death.

Today I can’t help but fear that some boogeyman is going to get me for writing about all this. I have not received a single threat, but still the fear lingers… would someone I know actually kill me over this? Or have I been watching too much Law & Order?

All I know for sure are the wise words of Mark Twain, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” I will not stop because I feel afraid or unsure of what will come next. Truly, none of us know what will happen next year, next week or even in the next few minutes. Fear cannot paralyze us or we will never learn how to live.

I Wish I Had Spoken Up Sooner… I’m Sorry

By Tara Overzat

My life is pretty good these days, and I have had some very bright, shining moments, seeing and doing things some people only dream of.

However, I do have my regrets. My biggest one is that I hid the burden of my child abuse for way too long. I realize some people never talk about it, and others don’t begin to talk about it til middle age or later, but I have already seen the consequences of keeping this a secret.

I dated someone in college whom I fear I hurt the most with this secret. Read more »

Were There Good Times? Or Was It Just My Innocent Perception?

By Tara Overzat

Despite everything that happened, I had happy times as a child. In retrospect the things that made me happy were so minuscule, the things that children in healthy families take for granted. In addition, I think some of it was just my perception of happiness and my warped perception of what was normal.

Before I was old enough to look around and say, “Hey something’s wrong here…” I remember times when I got along with my mother. Read more »

Going Public Was Not My First Idea

By Tara Overzat

Not only has going public been difficult, embarrassing, and painful, it was something that even a few months ago I would never have dreamed of doing. I had always kept my mouth shut, and suffered the terrible consequences of doing so- one of which was not allowing people to get too close to me. My denial of the past cost me people I wish were in my life today, people I may not be able to get back.

I tried quietly to handle Read more »