By Tara Overzat
I’ve been quiet on this blog lately for a couple of reasons. One of which is that I have a couple of book manuscripts I have been working on, but the other is that I was considering the feelings of a family member who after not speaking to me for a very long time, rang me up to discuss this site. In considering this family member’s feelings, I stopped writing for a little bit.
But, like I have said before on this site, child abuse thrives on silence. On secrecy. On being too afraid of what someone will say or do to you.
If you ask me to stop helping myself and others, then fall off the face of the planet again, then why did I stop in the first place? The “favor” you ask of me is to shut up and sit down. And when I do, you disappear again. You don’t support me. You don’t maintain a relationship with me. Remind me why should I do you a “favor” again?
Anyone who asks you to do something that hurts you, or is a huge step backwards for you, is not your friend. This person does not have your best interest at heart, only their own.
Rhoni Reuter
By Tara Overzat
Last night’s Dateline focused on the October 2007 murder of Rhoni Reuter, longtime girlfriend of ‘85 Chicago Bears star Shaun Gayle. Often these Datelines are predictable and all fingers point to the significant other. Reuter, however, who was several months pregnant was instead killed by one of Shaun’s many other girlfriends, a real-estate agent and wannabe model, Marni Yang.
What is disturbing though Read more »
By Tara Overzat
Over the years, I have been lucky to have a lot of good friends from all over the world. However, I fell into a habit that I was only recently able to shake- getting close to toxic people.
Toxic people may be drug addicts or alcoholics; perverts; criminals; or just normal-seeming people who put you down at every turn, feeding off negative energy and kicking you when you’re down.
While good friends and associates tell you that you are mature, responsible, intelligent and cute (and are straight with you when you miss the mark), toxic people will tell you that you are immature, crazy, dumb and fat all of the time. Any praise you get from them is backhanded and intended to make the toxic person feel better about himself.
Growing up, these dual messages were all I got. When teachers, classmates, or other “outsiders” congratulated me on my accomplishments, all my mother could say was, “They don’t know what you’re like at home!” Read more »
by Tara Overzat
I think about the numerous reasons I stayed quiet about being abused until now, and even as an adult I have a fear of retaliation for speaking up.
Some of it was very likely programmed into me as a child, the overt threats and abominable lies that kept me in line. Threats of an even worse life; threats of death.
Today I can’t help but fear that some boogeyman is going to get me for writing about all this. I have not received a single threat, but still the fear lingers… would someone I know actually kill me over this? Or have I been watching too much Law & Order?
All I know for sure are the wise words of Mark Twain, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” I will not stop because I feel afraid or unsure of what will come next. Truly, none of us know what will happen next year, next week or even in the next few minutes. Fear cannot paralyze us or we will never learn how to live.
By Tara Overzat
My life is pretty good these days, and I have had some very bright, shining moments, seeing and doing things some people only dream of.
However, I do have my regrets. My biggest one is that I hid the burden of my child abuse for way too long. I realize some people never talk about it, and others don’t begin to talk about it til middle age or later, but I have already seen the consequences of keeping this a secret.
I dated someone in college whom I fear I hurt the most with this secret. Read more »
By Tara Overzat
Despite everything that happened, I had happy times as a child. In retrospect the things that made me happy were so minuscule, the things that children in healthy families take for granted. In addition, I think some of it was just my perception of happiness and my warped perception of what was normal.
Before I was old enough to look around and say, “Hey something’s wrong here…” I remember times when I got along with my mother. Read more »
By Tara Overzat
Not only has going public been difficult, embarrassing, and painful, it was something that even a few months ago I would never have dreamed of doing. I had always kept my mouth shut, and suffered the terrible consequences of doing so- one of which was not allowing people to get too close to me. My denial of the past cost me people I wish were in my life today, people I may not be able to get back.
I tried quietly to handle Read more »
Tags: Adeline Yen-Mah, child abuse, Dave Pelzer, fear, Jeannette Walls, Living With Child Abuse, Oprah Winfrey, secrecy, speaking up
Healing, Personal, Surviving | admin, 7 Jul 09 | 
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By Tara Overzat
Just because someone is mentally ill does not mean they should not have and raise children. There are thousands of people who struggle with disorders ranging from depression to schizophrenia, who take steps to lead normal lives and are good parents. And there are plenty of neurotypical (NT) parents who don’t care about their kids and end up being crummy parents as well.
The issue is trying to be a good parent Read more »
By Tara Overzat
For the survivor of child abuse, the events that happened don’t just go away. If they are not dealt with they may manifest into the strangest of problems in your life. (See The Michael Jackson Tragedy- What Happens When You Don’t Deal With Your Past) As such, all of us who survived child abuse are “living with child abuse” for the rest of our lives.
But we can still have great and accomplished lives. (See What Will Happen to the Children?) Here are some strategies that I have used to deal with the past while living very much in the present.
1) Keep your sense of humor. Read more »
Tags: anxiety, depression, Living With Child Abuse, loving detachment, overwhelmed, regret, surviving child abuse
Acts of Kindness, Alcoholism, Healing, Personal, Surviving | admin, 5 Jul 09 | Comments (0)
By Tara Overzat
I never remember being spoke to as a child by either of my parents. My mother used me, from about the age of 5 on, as confidant and, surprisingly, advice giver. So dependent was she on my father, that when he mercifully left, she sincerely did not know how to do the simplest of things.
Not long after my father left, we went to visit my fraternal grandfather, who lived 3 miles away from us in our New York town, a town she had lived in well before I was born. Leaving his home, she got to the stop sign down the street and asked “Left or right?” Read more »
