Overcoming Feeling Unworthy of Love

Many of us who are survivors of parental abuse come away feeling that we are defective. That our parents must have seen something so horrible in us that not even they could bring themselves to love and protect us. Even though this is untrue, this false belief can follow us well into adulthood.

A seventeen year old girl, who wishes to remain anonymous, shared her story with me below.

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I am only 17 years old an I live my life in fear of what is going to happen next. From the age of 10, I have suffered emotional abuse, my parents call me ugly, fat. tell me that I am worthless and that if I ever leave no one will want me, I have also been physically abused, pushed down the stairs, beaten til I’m on the floor crying from the pain, sometimes its jsut a small hit but other times it worse and I fear for my life. The most recent incident left me with a bruised face, black eye and bruises down my back, I was in a lot of pain and found it difficult to concentrate on work and other stuff that was going on around me. I have also been sexually abused by my dad, this is the worst to be honest I would rather be beaten than go through this, it completely messes with your head and can really damage you. I have always blamed myself for the abuse I have suffered.

There was one point where I actually took an overdose to try and numb all the pain and cry out for help, I have found it extremely difficult to ask for help even though people have offered it, I find it difficult to follow anything through and I end up back at square one again, I believe it’s because of everything that my parents have said to me I believe them I believe I’m not wanted and just everything they say to me, it’s hard to believe that people do want you and do care when near enough all your life you have been told the complete opposite. I have noticed that people I have spoken to have expected me to believe that they do care but it’s the hardest thing to realise and sometimes you only realise when they have gone out of your life. By going through all this I have learnt how to put on act and cover everything up so no one realises what is really going on, I pretend I’m confident and happy while I’m at college but on the inside I’m dying every time something happens its as if apart of me breaks.

At the moment I am trying to help myself by seeking counselling, I feel this is going to help me break the attachment I have with my parents and realise what they have really done to me, after this I do hope to leave and get out for good and never look back.

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Counseling is something many of us are scared to do. It almost seems easier to keep everything down and carry on as best we can through our days. I think this young woman has made an important first step in overcoming what was done to her and working on leading a healthy adult life.